For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a hard-core activist for justice. Abuses toward animals, women, racial or religious groups, the environment – you name it – I fought it. From my earliest recollections, any perceived injustice sent me into a passionate tail-spin of outrage, anger and disgust.
Managing my inner fire was no easy task. My astronomical chart labels me as “triple fire” and my personality and devotion to the “cause” certainly matched this characterization. As a result, I’ve spent much of my life in anguish and sorrow – empathetic to those that fall victim to power hungry, ego-driven individuals and groups who exploit others for personal gain.
I managed to eek out small doses of pleasure – here and there. Savoring the years spent raising my son, communing with nature or traveling. But in retrospect – the vast and overwhelming majority of my time on this planet has been painstakingly devoted to affecting social change.
Prior to my “awakening” in 2009, my protocol was comprised of lecturing, writing and research – attempting to “make a difference” from within a sleeping system of institutional barriers. While my audience of students and readers found my work inspiring and engaging, my employers, editors and acquaintances responded by marginalizing my efforts – considering my style unconventional and non-conformist.
Since my “awakening”, I have noticed a change. My anger, outrage and sorrow has been replaced with a deep seeded feeling of calm. The type of calm that only comes from knowing that all is well. The sensation is similar to standing in the eye of a hurricane – with chaos whirling around you – complete with debris spinning out of control. But in the center – where it’s still – the calmness is all encompassing.
At first, I misinterpreted this sense of calm as a lack of passion. Had I lost my dedication to those causes I had spent my life fighting for? But now, I realize that what has occurred is not a lessening of conviction – but rather a lessening of anger and animosity. Or perhaps, more aptly put – an increase of love.
At one time, I viewed acts of abuse, discrimination and exploitation as abhorrent and intolerable. Like a front-line Marine – I prepared for battle. But now, these same behaviors appear different to me. Instead of seeing “red” – I now see spiritual immaturity, ignorance and fear. Like a child who simply doesn’t “know any better” – scolding anger is not the solution.
I realize now that we are all at different stages of our spiritual evolution. Some are seeds, some are seedlings, while others are mighty oaks that have seasoned into greater degrees of maturity. And with this realization comes the knowledge that, while we are all at different stages of our universal journey – we share one common destiny… to return home to Source.
Am I any less devoted to unity, peace and justice? Not in the least. But I have learned that passion gives way to compassion – outrage to acceptance – and anger to love and light.